I'm lost somewhere inside.

Today woke up at like, almost 8. Didnt even heared Mrs sainsbry come in and wake us up. Heidi did, but she still continued sleeping until i woke up at like 7.45am and yelled at her sayin "OIII! its almost 8, we are goin to be late!" *and then continued sleeping until Louise came in and all ready in her P.E uniform and sayin "and i tot i was late." Heidi got out of bed and start getin change. and i was still in bed.
I didnt feel like doin anything. Nothing at all. Its like, what in Religious And Pilosphy Class in year 9 that Father Toby told us. "we are on a train which has no driver on it. you dont know where your heading. and not knowing where you goin to end up in. But you are goin to reach ur destiny in some point." I dont know why. Everyday word makes me feel more that what it only meant. Had been very emotionaly last night. didnt feel like telling anyone what i felt, i felt even stupid. Cryin infront of the camera to my boyfriend. I wasnt goin to cry...i wasnt..atleast not infront of him. I jst wanted to cry to myself. Cuz it hurts soo soo much insidee. I dont know how i survived. but i do feel really painful and hard to breath.

Im in ESL Class now, aka Free Period, because every monday 2nd period its ESL and our teacher has other class, so yeah. Just had P.E. Now im supose to work on my ESL assigment, but. i dont feel like it. I feel lost inside somewhere. After P.E, i was thinking, should i go get my headphones from my bag. I was too lazy to, i didnt mind walking atm. i jst kept on walking and walking, i didnt wanted to stop. And when i relised, i was at my bag already, have my headphones in my hand..My mind is blank. I couldnt think. without thinkin, i walked myself to the library and all i had in my mind was "i want to write my blog i want to write my blo....." over and over again. Writing my blog, makes me wna cry once more, but im in the library. I would look stupid if i did. hurts more if i dont, but i jst had to keep it in.

Fake laughters and havin prettend mask on makes me feel more painful inside. I want to move school. i want to leave all the problems behind and start over again. Moving schools not goin to solve all the problem i have. But atleast it would solve some of my problems..


I want to be alone.
Out of the billions millions. Why, why does it has to be me. Sometime i feel glad its me as well. cuz, that means i was been choosed to suffer and i risk it for another one not to be sufferin the same thing that im sufferin. haha, people thats reading my blog, i dont think you'll get it. No one gets me, not even my family. So i wouldnt be suprised if you dont. Thanks for reading. Atleast i felt like someones listenin.