Day dreamm:P I love my life.

In the library, got nothing to work on. Listening to 'Just for moment' Its such a touching song. I wounder, did Jason Chen actually made that song. Well, if he did. He sure is a really emotional person, and has a really strong feeling to his baby girl. that feeling. Listening to him singing it, i can feel what he feels. Its truee. It makes me think of Kaito. Lately..we havent been spenting time larh. and i think im starting to get us to not seeing him. Infact, its like i dont even mind anymore. I wounder..do he takes me for granted? as in like. actually i dont know what that means. But it sounds like (not scared of loosing me) like...as im always there and not afraid of lossin me. I wounder if his ever affraid. What if i do one day. What woud happen? Will there be a day that when both of us, has to turn into opposite directions..blog, sometime i do wish that you could talk back and comfort me. Only if you could. *i want to talk to buddha. hope i see him in my dreams tonihgt, and talk me through. Because mummy is not here to help me with my problems.


Lets talk about something else. Because im turning abit upset agaain. Hahaaaaha. sometime i do wish theres actually that someone would like. The listener and for me feelin comftable talking to. Only iff. Haaha
I love my lifee.

Maybe i just need to talk with him about what i feel like. Ill do that during the long weekend. Only if i have teh courage to.

Rakeem~

A post of Rakeem? :O teeeheehee, dont you reckon Rakeem is such a sexy name? When I saw him in the city yesterday. Dayumm, his 5 sense are so perfectly made. My breath forzed. That was my first time actually make my hair and put on eyeliner on and dress out abit btr than normaly, I did it cuz I though I was going to see my baby boy Kaito. But who knows, I meet rakeem!! Damn his soo hot. His aboriginal, but he looks nothing like one. He looks munaa muna. Like mee, non-typical. His hair, his eyes, his hot smile. I I wounder is it normal to look at other guys while you have your own man. Im abit worried:/ but I cant help it. His just soo amazing. From the outside ofcourse, I still havnt meet his inside yet. He might just be like the other guys, cold blooded and play with girls heat. But he didn’t looked like one. Hmm, mayb I really shudent judge by the cover. Cuz it could be a trap :/ Ohhwell. All I wanted to say is his really really hot and his soo dardyyy

One boring Sundayyy~

Hey morning Dairy dearr❤ soorreh that i didnt had time to write you for a few dayy. I had been bz, with Heidi's B'day and River Cruiseee. Heidi's Party wass amazin. Greatest party i ever been to. My roomie/wiffey Heidi, i love you heapp ma crazyyeh woman.

My Heidiii❤ Happy Birthdayy dear

Now Riverr Cruisee, meet new friends :)
In the morning, i went to the city with baby❤ and saw ritta and malika:) and then from there i meet zoo and channel :) Baby was being really cute that dayyy, he bought me the lil thing in the ball thing, that you put 2 dollar and twist it and then you get something. i got a thing, it says "Im the Best in my History" in Jap. heeheee, i miss my baby. I woke up in the middle of the night missing him , he was watchin the soccer championshippp. I think Man Untied lost by the team that mahoomad go for. I hope baby's alrighttt :( i dont want to ask him straight away. Cuz i dont want him too be upset. Cuz, he can tell me if he wants to. i dont want to forcee himm. I love my baby boyy❤Always:3 Todayyy, i feel like going to ze city and see Kaitoo :/ The wholee week didnt really had time with him. Yesterday i was like, "ohhnoo! u ate my sliberr! ur gna get sickD:" and then he was like since when i ate ur sliber? and i was like. When we shared the thing at the lil penguin shop thingy Ice thinggg at NorthBridgee D: and he was like, doesnt matter wat. No moree class/uni. and the *kisses me on the lip* and i wass likeee, nyoooooo❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ and then we sharedd Boost. It was a good day :) But i didnt take Photo's withh Kaitoo, soo i dont havee pictureee to uploadd on maa blogg. Ohhwell, as long as we are togetherrr, im finee with anythingg :)
And, OMG OMG OMG!! i lost Kaito's USB and my fav glasses:( im stil alright with the glasses. But i felt so bad for lossin kaito's USB, i could have a good time and stuff. so i called Kaitooo, and tell him. Cuz i was stressin out. Heidi was like telling me to chill, i was like i cant. i feel really baddd. What if it meant alot to himmm. so i called and apologiesedd. He said it was alrightt, but i still feel bad :( Im goin to get baby a USB. gna tell mum to get him one from Jacky's shoppp :) Jacky is my brother, he sales laptops at my hometown. My laptop was a from himmm :) I love my family. Expecially my motherr❤❤

神山海人。

我好想念神山海人，可是我一定要坚强啊。。。真的好想他哦，想放学过后去找他。

Japaensey Class

In the library for Japanese Class because the year 11 or 12's are having their Japanese Exam there. My throat still hurts, but abit better than this morning, i barely could even talk. I miss my mum, and i want to see Chloe. I know we are not related, but somehow. She jst know how to listens, and we got alot incomman. I miss hanging with her. She sent me a msg last night, she was woundering was i ok. because i think she saw my facebook status. She also miss called me a fair few times, but i couldnt pick up because i handed my phone into Mrs B. Its actually so stupid that we need to hand in our phones everynight, sometime i even get miss calls from my mom. Only if i could see Chloe this saturday. I want to see them. Chloe and stupiack Fomo. my brother and sister's. They do so much for me although im not like related to them or like anything. They are very good friends. We come from a same hometown and now living at the same outside world. Original Tawau people, and having a Perth lifestyle. Hopfully they are going to stay in perth. because i would feel lonely without them being by my side.

I actually feel better after seeing like 3 misscalls and a msg from Chloe. Cuz, atleast someone knows that i need someone to talk to inside without me showing or telling them. :'( i want to go home. a place that actually feels like a home. Not just a house with no love instide. Wna stay over with Fomo and Chloe. stay with them for a weekend. Im going to try ask my mum if i could get Chloe and Fomo on my visitor list. so they could bring me out, for a day when im upset...

After Oral practice, i came back to the library and had nothing to do. Was supose to do my assigment for Jap, but i dont get it and i dont feel like it. so i just went on Google randomly googeling my friends from my hometown. and was googling my old school. Saw all the old fun times when i was stress free and nothing to worry about. And then i started to miss kaito alot again. that feeling jkeep coming back. Im just not good enought for him. i searched him up on Google. and then i found his twitter, i wanted to go in it. but its blocked.But i saw....his picturee is a picture of me and him....i was touched. But..im just think he could do better without me..i dont want to drag him into a mess.

The night that i feel the same feeling that i had with "that night" when i decided that i want to leave.

Dear dear dear dairy, i really cant take it anymoree, can you please send me an angle and guide me what to doo, im soo done with thinking. Im feeling soo crab atm. soo sick and bad. Today was epic for me. Epic as in bad. My mum might wont allow me to go to Heidi's because she thinks its like a outside party. and then i got victor on stress. its all because of my mother fucker sister in law that dsnt pick up the mother freaker fone, and created all this crab. and i hate Mrs B soo soo much i really feel like jst goin up to her and express all my anger. And today was absolutely shit to me because i feel like such a crab and everything! and the way you go around girl soo much i feel really uncomftable with it, do u see me going around with other guys? i dont. it kills me inside and feel so soo uncomftable. i know your going to say we are jst friends. but the thing that makes me feel is that you and the girls are more than friends. im in my bedroom now really dont know what to do. My hand stinging badly. Having a really sore throat it hurts soo much that i want my mother could be here, im getting sick. I got the flue from someone. I really dont liek this pain in my throat. i cry when im sick, and this time. its really painfull i cant help it. Had strapsel but it didnt work. Infact it hurted even more.
was going to talk to kaito abit more on facebook, but Mrs B that stupid person came and took the broadband off me. i feel soo upset. because our problem is not solve yet and i have more problems comning up, cuz im worrying how m i going to take the broad band back and give it back to Free. Im soo stress i dont know what to do. I dont want to go to the psychologist, because its really making me uncomftable as well. i jst want to be alone. Left alone. I hate this world, i really do.

Misteriouse.

What am i doing right now? well, im jst downloading songs for Heidi's. Im excited for her :) So happy that shes turning 16. haahaa, hey dairy. I have alot to write. But the things that i want to write is not suitable for being on here. Im done with complaining to people about my life. I just want to be alone atm. Ill talk to you later. i need to download the songs. Brb ( hate that word, you dont use it when your not goin to come back with in 10mins.)

Lovely Thurs_______ :)

Now sitting in the library in between Tiffany B and Elise E and theres the twins as well. We are having private studies atm. But i dont have anything to do.soo, im jst blogging. Hahaaaha. Im abit hungry :/ i just really cant wait till i get a beaniee!! the one that i really wanted! its jst like. Ohhmygawsh! i want it soo badly :P theres like a list of things that i wanted to buy. That im waiting for my mum to come over and buy for me :P i cant wait till mum comes overr. Cuz i miss her soo soo much.i wish i could move school so that i can be a day girl and then see my mother everyday after school, and have her cooking dinner everynight and all the arguments that we have. I miss those times, very muchly. Everyone...appreciate what you have now, dont notice what you have was such a treasure until you dont have the time to spent with him/her anymore. Remember, appriciatee. and be nice to them. Life is good. i like it :) because i got friends around me and i ahve a good boyfriend that suports me. The only thing that im missing in my life is. Trust. Trust is such 'a big word although it is only spelt in 5 alphabate's. also is love, it means more than only 4 letters. Family stands for Father And Mother I Love You :)
When my mum comes over, which is in 2 weeks or soo. Im gna tell her how much i miss her and love her. Shes like the best mother on earth :)

-Broken Hearts Life-

Heidi and me during Sose❤

Heidi, Me and Sophie Opieee

Treats that Mrs Mccan gave us in ESL❤ on nomm nomm

Doin experiment with Lu and Izzy in Science★(makin Soap)

-Friendship-

Our Back-views, Happy back-views❤

AFTER WE WERE STALKING MR HENNESSY TO HIS CAR!!!!!

School Life★

Planking ;)
Me and Pie first time Planking

Me and Piee Pie❤

Masive Plank !!

Abbey Planking from the sidee of the stairs :/

Sascha's Failing Planking on da pointy thing

Round 2 - Sorta the right way:/

Friends❤

Mariee❤

Sorry, i had started the planking on you Dear memoriable of err err, :/ and then others started planking on u as well :/ im deeply veryy sorry :S

Some people need to learn how to treat people. No moral kid

In ma room, havin a upset tummy. Had been having upset tummy for about 4 days or something like that. I was pretty upset because like, i wasnt able to write my blog cuz of it said somehting about verify my email and i could get accese to my emails because like the school blocks hotmail, so i got this one nice guy which is from melbouren, ma luck duck friend. Max, his actually called marx (i think) but i jst call him max, cuz its too much effort jst to type his name so his da maxxy boy :P his cool, he fixed my blog for me. If not, i thnk i would already had like cuts on my wrist. glad i didnt do it :) Today was alright, but somehow im keep wanting to start fights or something. i want to go back the real me, what i use to be when im in Tawau. No expectations, no this and that, no anything. My parents got my back, and i get to see my mum everyday. How is that..you really dont realise untill you lose the thing that you love/appriciate soo much. Like, i miss my mum, alot actually. I feel so bad for not appriciating her when i get to be with her every single day. Now, when knowing 2012 is coming soon and im having less and less time with my mum while every each sec ticks past. Im glad that 21th of May did not end the world. Because i really wouldnt want it to. But if it did,it would let me die with the one i love. Kaito Kamiyama, in this world. I "only" live for 2 people. My mum and Kaito. I know if my sister know me sayin this, she would kill me. Because living jst for a guy. I know that she only lives for her husband as well although she never mention. if not, she wouldnt go back to him after coming studyin uni in perth and they broke up and ending up gettting married to each other and had 2 kids and another coming up. I bet she loved him as much as i loved Kaito. She wouldnt want to admit it, because she might be affraid of people to judge her, but for me. I learnt my lesson. No matter when i deny or admit, either way. People with no Moral would still judge, since they would judge, why dont you just live the most out of life then? why act? Its usless.
Today, i felt like getting into fights. Really bad ones, i dont know why. Maybe it was jst my mood or something. Mrs B (my housie). i always tries my very best and do everything jst to imprest her. because she is like the worse housie in the boarding house, everyone hates her, calls her a female dog and stuff. But i respects her. Im very honest to her and i never ever lie to her. But the more i respect her the more she expects from me. until today, i cant take it anymore. I was jst having my own time with the girls in the boarding house, and why. why does she always picks on me? she thinks that i dont attitude do she. it was prep time, she came to the room. told heidi to do homework and then turn to me sayin. Celine i need to talk to you.
so i draged myself to her desk. I was still piss and full of range. she started scolding me, and i talked back. so its normal for white people to talk back and not okay for a asian to talk back? dont you think thats abit RACIST?!? well im sorry that im not white and im yellow. But JUST FOR YOUR INFORMATION i am a Australian and Asian! Rasict to ur own kind. and i said it wasnt jst me. she kept going on sayin i started it, i said it wasnt me. as otehr people would do. explain their self. because im prettu sure its not my FAULT and atleast, NOT ONLY ME!! so she should get it right instead of just pin it down sayin me. i made my point sayin that it wasnt jst me, and she continued sayin i started it, i explained again , other people started it and the me walking infront dsnt mean that i have started it. Thats called predicting, and you have no rights to say its me if you have no evidence. you do know that u could go to court jst by saying that i am a criminal without evidence right? it could of offended me. and then the most annoying thing that you said to me is when the part you said " but i expect more from you" what is it? are you trying to be my mother? no, dont even get there. i just wont except the way that u say that word. its jst like, NO. Noone uses my mum view to talk to me unless ur my mum. you jst went cross the line. and for that. I lost respect to you.

Kaito Singin to meeeee______❤

Had a good junk food and havin ma baby singin to mee. i feel soo happy❤ and lucky. I could go to bed easliy jst havin ma baby singin me to bed. Im actually half aslp right now. heehee, but sometime, i still feel that im not worth it, even his doin all da things for me. Because his doing these things for me, i feel that im not worth it. I think he could do better and deserve a better girl than me.

Sang me Ti Amo, 愛唄, Kiseki C:
Im very happy.

Shanai's Big Lablyy Teadyy!!

-River Cruise Dress-

I'm lost somewhere inside.

Today woke up at like, almost 8. Didnt even heared Mrs sainsbry come in and wake us up. Heidi did, but she still continued sleeping until i woke up at like 7.45am and yelled at her sayin "OIII! its almost 8, we are goin to be late!" *and then continued sleeping until Louise came in and all ready in her P.E uniform and sayin "and i tot i was late." Heidi got out of bed and start getin change. and i was still in bed.
I didnt feel like doin anything. Nothing at all. Its like, what in Religious And Pilosphy Class in year 9 that Father Toby told us. "we are on a train which has no driver on it. you dont know where your heading. and not knowing where you goin to end up in. But you are goin to reach ur destiny in some point." I dont know why. Everyday word makes me feel more that what it only meant. Had been very emotionaly last night. didnt feel like telling anyone what i felt, i felt even stupid. Cryin infront of the camera to my boyfriend. I wasnt goin to cry...i wasnt..atleast not infront of him. I jst wanted to cry to myself. Cuz it hurts soo soo much insidee. I dont know how i survived. but i do feel really painful and hard to breath.

Im in ESL Class now, aka Free Period, because every monday 2nd period its ESL and our teacher has other class, so yeah. Just had P.E. Now im supose to work on my ESL assigment, but. i dont feel like it. I feel lost inside somewhere. After P.E, i was thinking, should i go get my headphones from my bag. I was too lazy to, i didnt mind walking atm. i jst kept on walking and walking, i didnt wanted to stop. And when i relised, i was at my bag already, have my headphones in my hand..My mind is blank. I couldnt think. without thinkin, i walked myself to the library and all i had in my mind was "i want to write my blog i want to write my blo....." over and over again. Writing my blog, makes me wna cry once more, but im in the library. I would look stupid if i did. hurts more if i dont, but i jst had to keep it in.

Fake laughters and havin prettend mask on makes me feel more painful inside. I want to move school. i want to leave all the problems behind and start over again. Moving schools not goin to solve all the problem i have. But atleast it would solve some of my problems..


I want to be alone.
Out of the billions millions. Why, why does it has to be me. Sometime i feel glad its me as well. cuz, that means i was been choosed to suffer and i risk it for another one not to be sufferin the same thing that im sufferin. haha, people thats reading my blog, i dont think you'll get it. No one gets me, not even my family. So i wouldnt be suprised if you dont. Thanks for reading. Atleast i felt like someones listenin.

Wound's

Its always either morning/afternoon/ or jst a time b4 bed time. I jst go so upset that i don't know what could i do. its seem like. My wound jst seems like, it gets bigger and bigger each time. I think its true that my Dr said that. i might not be completely healed. But i will be defentnaly feel be better. But there jst always a moment in everyday that i feel so upset that i couldnt help myself and jst couldnt find any meaning of life. Do u think its the causes of previouse problems? I hope not...cuz, i dont want to go back to that night. That night was the most horrible night that i had ever suffer and survived thru. Tonight felt like half way of that feelin. It hurts soo much inside and i dont know y.
I hate the psychologyyyy. i never wna go there ever again. I jst dont. I want to leave this school. Mayb go to Como. watever, jst any school. Public school please. and i want my mum to b at home with me. so i can see her everyday like usual when i was at Tawau. Everyday right after school, go home only to see mum/ go to work jst to see my mum.


saw this cute picture from the internet.
what i feel like

I feel like keep writing and writing. but i jst run out of words to write, but i still wna write. till my hands are too tired for anything else
Cuts are so much less painfull than the pain im havin atm. Someone please get me out of this nightmare. What The Hell Even Brought Me Into This Gawd Damn Night Mare !!! i wna cry..cry all nightt, thats all i know

-My lovely sunday-

Been to Murdoch from 9.14 till 2 o'clock, for being a law student in Murdoch for a day. It was really amazing, i was been amazed by how many different lawyers there are. and I'm mostly interested in Forensic Psychologist Law. and a new guy called He-something. I thnk he was jap or korea. he was talkin other language with his mum when his mum droped him off. He looked soo much like kaito from the back. i told heidi that and heidi was like he looks nothing like Kaito, but i swear. He does. That hair cut, Those fingers, wide shoulder, that height. I didnt know why, but i was starting to worried, because. My heart was racing for him. Heidi said it was normal, but i said i dont think it is. cuz, i know i love kaito heaps, and nothing could get in between. I think i was jst missing kaito too much. thats why. Seeing that He-guy as him. I love my baby and nothing is gna change the fact :) his my everything

Went up to voleenture for mooting(like a mock trail in court) :) and i was really nervouse. Everyone was looking. Turned back look at Heidi, and He-something, gave me a smile:) have 2 friends supporting me at the scene. Feel more confident

Burger in Murdochh❤ ft Heidi.P

In ze Toilet

Maccas in City❤

Waiting 4 BBT in Utopiaa❤

My baby is watching his Jap Comedy, he laffs soo funnehh. i like seeing him happy. it makes me feel good. But, sometime. i wish i was the one that made him happy dou. you know? that feeling when u cant make ur love ones happy and other can. Is like a big cut inside and it jst dsnt seem to heal. well, mine never healed. its still like that, infact getting worse. but i know im strong. i can dooo it !! c'mon Celineeeee :) ❤
I love my babyy, although im in my upset moods C: ❤❤❤❤❤